Reverse Homesickness

Is it even possible to feel homesick for a country you cannot call your own? Unfortunately, I am daily learning that it is.

Since coming home from Korea in late December, hardly a day goes by when I do not miss the beautiful country of South Korea. Although I only spent four short months there, I fear there is a part of my soul that will never return to the States. As much as I loved Korea before I studied there, I love it even more after doing so. It is both a freeing and painful love, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I imagine every student who studies abroad feels a bit of this same struggle. In a way, we can all unite and sympathize with each other over this. But that can only go so far. We all had different experiences overseas. We went to different countries, studied different areas, lived in different housing, met different people, and ate different food.

Other than the few people around who have studied abroad and can somewhat understand what you’re going through, nobody else quite gets it. Even if they think they do, they really don’t. And no matter how much I tell them about Korea, they’ll never understand. You don’t know how much I miss red bean donuts until you've tasted it for yourself. You don’t know how beautiful the view of the city is until you've seen it in person. The list goes on and on like this until you realize that you can’t really share your experiences with the people you love, because they simply don’t understand it like you do and words aren't an adequate substitute for experience.

I’m not writing this as a search for sympathy. I’m simply writing this because it is a hard truth that I have come to face. I think I was hoping that living in Korea for a few months would satisfy my desire to see more of the world; that I would go there and it would break my infatuation with the eastern world because I would find it didn't live up to my expectations. However, I didn't really accomplish that. In a lot of ways, Korea exceeded my expectations and just expanded my interest in the world. For that, I am both grateful and bitter.

I know that if I ever go back to Korea, it won’t be the same. I likely won’t be on Konkuk University’s gorgeous campus. I won’t be experiencing all these wonderful things for the first time. And, most importantly, my wonderful study abroad friends wouldn't be there. I honestly don’t think it would be the same without having Kate to talk to on the subway and Chris to awkwardly bond with the red bean donut vendor and Jenna to navigate the streets.

Korea was a horridly valuable experience that has changed my life forever, and it is an experience that I would recommend to absolutely anyone interested in studying abroad. I just wish missing it didn't have to be so painful.